Updated: Nov 12, 2020
Growing up, I never felt like I had any real talents. I wasn’t good at sports, I couldn’t play an instrument or make beautiful art, I didn’t speak a second language and I wasn’t particularly funny. I wasn’t even double jointed or able to wiggle my ears. This left me feeling like I was pretty worthless, wandering through life with no great purpose. The only thing I felt like I really had going for me was my brain. I was smart. I did well in school, and it came pretty easy for me. I never viewed this as a talent or gift though. If anything, I thought it was more of God’s mercy – “well, I’m no good at anything else, at least God didn’t make me dumb!” I also served in student government, was the president of my high school community service club and loved writing or speaking assignments. Again, I didn’t view these things as talents as much as bones thrown to me to make me feel like I wasn’t completely useless.
But the thing is, in those moments, I didn’t feel useless. I felt proud to be a part of something. I enjoyed leadership roles. I thrived having a purpose. Now, I recognize that the satisfaction I felt in those moments – God put that in me. Looking back, I wonder how many opportunities I missed because I didn’t view these things as innate abilities given to me from God. How would my life be different if I lived with passion and purpose, using the unique way God created me instead of resenting Him for not putting in me the ability to kick a ball or read music? Now, I am trying to use those gifts in ways that glorify God, like leading women’s bible studies, planning and creating materials for children in our church, and trying to lead my own children into maturity and a life that follows Christ.
Even still, I found myself feeling a deep discontentment. A longing for more, some greater purpose.
I recently have read Jennie Allen’s books Anything and Made for This. Some of the things that stuck out to me were the following:
1. Jesus factored in the mundane – embrace the common.
2. We were made for a bigger story. God has a unique plan for me with the purpose of knowing God and making God known. God is most after His glory.
3. Look at the motives of your heart, if they are for God then JUST DO IT. Quit overanalyzing everything. Quit apologizing for using your gifts.
While I was reading through these books, I felt a nudge towards “more”. I tried to push the feeling away because I was afraid of what more would look like. Would I have to put my children in daycare? Would I have to pursue a career in the secular world? Would I have to leave everything to spend time in another country? What would people think about my choice? Would my family support me? Was I just being selfish and tired of my mundane, Groundhog Day of a life at home with my children? Why wasn’t I content with the life I had asked God for and He had so graciously given to me?
I wrestled through these questions, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that God had something else planned for my life, if I would only be open to receiving it. I knew I needed to be willing to play my small role in order to be a part of God’s much bigger story.
Fast forward a few weeks.
I sat on my bed crying and praying, telling God, “I’m all in. Show me this thing you have for me. Don’t leave me discontent and confused about my purpose.”
God replied, “Write.”
Of course, I had about 500 follow up questions and God so patiently and lovingly answered each one of them. I still don’t know exactly what His plan is, but I know I am called to obedience. So, I did an inventory of my gifts, my places and my passions. I prayed. And through those prayers and faith, Growing Grace and Knowledge was born.
2 Peter 3:18 says “But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be the glory both now and to the day of eternity. Amen”
This verse perfectly encompasses what I want this website to be – a place where I grow and where I help others to grow in grace and knowledge through studying God’s Word. Even more, I pray it is a place where God is glorified.
So, here we go! This blog is for the things the Lord has put on my heart, I hope it serves you in some way.